i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
