I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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