and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
