I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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