i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
