I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize