Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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