Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Will exercising make me less horny?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
