end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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