We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
