I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
