I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
