ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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