You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
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