I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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