Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
