Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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