I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
