I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
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