Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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