I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
