he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
