i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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