Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
i think i have herpe
just one?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
