I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
