I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
