I never want to see another naked old woman again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Randomize
