I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
