Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Life is so much better after having sex.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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