I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
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