They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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