the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
