the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
