youre lurking in front of me
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
