I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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