How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
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