The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
