there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
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