I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
