how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
