she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize