i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have aggressive nipples.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
