I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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