I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
