i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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