Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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