His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
