It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize