New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
