Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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