sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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