No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
