why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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