I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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