I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
