I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
