The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
