i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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