with your own penis?
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
