you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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