i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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