I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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