My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
So squirting runs in the family.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize