Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
