I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
