i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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