My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
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I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
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