you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
