There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
