So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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