That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
