Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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