apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
