well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
